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By Jennifer Wirth Florida Today
Most financial experts are unified in their thinking that harmony in
marriage goes hand in hand with financial compatibility. Having a serious
discussion before marriage about financial belief systems is one way to iron
out financial arguments before they happen. According to experts, asking
questions such as "How much debt do we have?" "What is our lifestyle going
to be?" "How much money should we spend on entertainment, on clothes?" "How
will we use credit cards?" and "Should we have separate accounts?" can
provide a dialogue that can save a lot of tears and frustration down the
road.
Steve Pybrum, president of Pybrum and Co., a California-based
management-consultant company, advises engaged couples to discuss financial
issues at least six months before they get married. "Most people do not want
to throw cold water on a hot relationship by bringing up money," said Pybrum,
author of "Money and Marriage: Making It Work Together." "They think they’ll
just slide into marriage and work out those details later. That’s why the
divorce rate is 50 percent. Couples don’t slow down enough to talk about
their financial thinking."
Why argue about money when you don’t have any money to argue over? That’s
what Annette and Frank Ciccone decided when they were married 35 years ago.
"When we were young, we thought, ‘Who needs money?’ "Annette Ciccone said.
"We struggled in the beginning, but lack of money wasn’t a consideration
when we planned our family."
And, to this day, Annette says the couple has never had an argument over
money. "With four kids and college expenses, we certainly think about it
now, and we’ve grown in maturity and wisdom," she said. "The secret is
communication." Attorney Violet Woodhouse, certified financial planner and
author of "Divorce & Money: How to Make the Best Financial Decisions During
Divorce," agrees that communication is the most important component of a
good financial relationship. Ultimately, the issue of love and money and the
conflicts it creates are all about the ability to communicate," Woodhouse
said. "It is about accountability and how we are accountable to our
partner." Annette Ciccone gathers the bills, writes the checks and mails
them out. But her husband, a sergeant for the Palm Bay Police Department in
Florida, knows exactly where the money is being spent, how much is in the
account and what expenses are coming up.
The Ciccones just have one rule: They discuss all major purchases.
1wouldn’t go out and buy a diamond ring, just like he wouldn’t go out and
buy a new truck without talking about it," she said. "We don’t think of each
other as having individual needs. Our goal is to decide what we need
together."
Julie Murphy, executive director of Consumer Credit Counseling Service in
Melbourne, Ha., recommends that engaged couples undergo premarital financial
counseling. "We are all raised differently," she said. "When a spender
marries a saver, it can be a major frustration for both parties. It’s
important to develop a financial plan and a budget for your future life
together. That way, when disagreements come tip, you can blame it on the
budget."
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